


two hearts beating differently

by kingnyoungie



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Insecurity, M/M, Post-Break Up, Renhyuck is NOT endgame, Weddings, other members mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingnyoungie/pseuds/kingnyoungie
Summary: Donghyuck and Renjun’s voices melt into one melody as they sing—but their hearts have always beated differently, in a rhythm neither of them could understand.OR: A story of two people loving each other as friends, more than they ever have as lovers.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Liu Yang Yang, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	two hearts beating differently

**Author's Note:**

> school is a bitch, hence i havent been able to write the works i want to write as much.
> 
> friendly reminder that this is indeed a work of fiction, and everything that happens in this story was purely born out of my mind.
> 
> talk to me about anything on  twitter   
> don’t forget to leave a kudos if you liked it, and please drop comments! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡  
> it inspires me to continue writing and shows me that u guys are still interested in what i write <33

#### One.

Donghyuck was off to another meeting with his manager. The life of an idol is hard, but he thinks that the life of an _idol manager_ is even harder. Specially if said idol is _clingy_ and _needy_ , he swears. Donghyuck just needs a ton of reassurance and validation, he thinks.

It’s a good thing his manager knows and understands this, too. Donghyuck’s manager, Johnny, is man with an infinite fountain of patience. Johnny isn’t just his manager – Johnny is Donghyuck’s rock and Donghyuck’s favorite person.

More than a manager, Johnny is Donghyuck’s older brother figure. A familiar and friendly face in a sea of _ruthless_ people. Every time Donghyuck feels like he could have done better, Johnny is there to reassure him that he _can_ and _will_ do better next time. Every time Donghyuck needs a breather but doesn’t say so, Johnny already knows and is ahead of him in organizing his schedule for Donghyuck to be able to rest.

Now, however, Donghyuck and Johnny are in a meeting alongside Jeno and his manager, Doyoung, and another idol Donghyuck was acquainted with, but not exactly friendly with. Huang Renjun, another up and coming soloist with a voice that reminds everyone of spring and new beginnings. Renjun’s manager, a tall, Chinese man who’s face resembles that of an angel’s, Dong Sicheng, was seated next to him, face fixed with a stoic expression.

“So, everyone’s okay with Donghyuck, Renjun, and Jeno working together for a song on Jeno’s album?” Doyoung asks the group.

“Will Haechan and Renjun need to participate in promotional activities for Jeno’s album?” Johnny asks Doyoung, and Sicheng nods his head, signifying the fact that Sicheng was also curious of the answer.

“Well, the initial plan was for Jeno to perform this song on music shows, alongside the title track. So, yes, we’re hoping they can join Jeno for promotions. If their schedules however, do not align, then we’re okay with them just participating in the song,” Doyoung explains.

“We’ll see what we can do with Renjun’s schedule, we’ll reach out to you with his schedule and availability as soon as possible,” Sicheng answers.

“I’ll do the same for Haechan, I can probably give you a response tomorrow,” Johnny says.

Donghyuck looks at Jeno and he sees the boy fidgeting in his seat. The boy was nervous, obviously, it was his first solo album after the group he was originally in had disbanded. The group was a little _moneymaking_ project for their company, anyways – grouping a bunch of pretty, young boys with talent and an innocent form of cuteness that just sells.

Jeno was one of the more popular members of his group-–rightfully so, Donghyuck thinks. Besides having that pure and innocent handsomeness, complete with moon-like eye smiles and soft smiles, Jeno was oozing with talent; a superb rapper for his age and an eye-catching dancer that overflows with stage presence.

Donghyuck catches Jeno’s eyes and Donghyuck gives him a small and _hopefully_ reassuring smile. Jeno needed it badly, obviously. Jeno caught Donghyuck’s smile and he returned it with the same softness and reassurance. Jeno gives him a small thumbs up as their managers were talking, and sends him a finger heart, too, for good measure. Donghyuck chuckles softly, satisfied with how Jeno’s mood has lightened up significantly.

“Alright, if that’s all, we can finish up the meeting for today. I’ll be expecting the Haechan and Renjun’s schedules tomorrow, then?” Doyoung asks.

Johnny and Sicheng nodded their heads in affirmation, standing up to shake hands with Doyoung. Donghyuck, Renjun and Jeno all follow, standing up as well and bowing to each other.

They all walk out of the conference room, the managers breaking out into friendly chatter. Donghyuck always found himself amused with their manager’s antics—in the meeting room, they were all very serious and intimidating. They all paid attention to the littlest of details, mindful of every microexpression, and vocal of everything that concerns their managed talent. But, as soon as the three step out of the room, its as if all the tension didn’t even exist in the first place—Johnny immediately teasing Doyoung, Doyoung doting on Sicheng and Sicheng looking confusedly at the two older men.

So now, the three managers were engaged in meaningless and cheerful interactions, while the three idols lag behind their managers, observing the chaos from behind.

“Hey, Donghyuck, this is Renjun,” Jeno says, “Renjun, this is Donghyuck.”

Jeno introduces them to each other, and Renjun extends his hand for Donghyuck to take. They shake hands and Renjun offers a small smile to Donghyuck—one that’s making Donghyuck’s heart beat just a _little_ bit faster than normal. Donghyuck grins back, and Jeno sees the interaction, relieved and thankful that two of his friends will _most likely_ get along.

“You excited for this, Jen?” Donghyuck decides to ask, shifting the attention to the main star of the single.

“Yeah, its my first time to do this alone, you know? It’s scary, but definitely exciting. Really thankful that two of my closest friends in the industry agreed to working with me, too,” Jeno answered, directing a big grin towards Renjun and Donghyuck.

“You’re welcome, Jeno. I’ve been a fan of Donghyuck too, I’m quite thankful that I get to work with him, because of you,” Renjun says, sending a smirk to Donghyuck.

Jeno pouts, “So you’re doing this for Hyuck? Not me?”

Donghyuck and Renjun both laugh, Renjun replying with “Just kidding, Jeno.”

“I look forward to working with you, too, Renjun,” Donghyuck replies and sends a toothy grin to Renjun as well.

“Oh my god,” Jeno says with a deep sigh.

“What?” Renjun and Donghyuck say at the same time, looking over to Jeno to see what got him sounding very _distressed_.

“I just realized I let two of my most _insufferable_ friends meet,” Jeno says, looking at them with wide eyes.

Renjun and Donghyuck stop walking and looked at each other, before they each slapped Jeno in the arm on either side.

“Ow!”

\--

Writing the song with Jeno and Renjun had been very fun for Donghyuck. He can’t deny that Renjun and Jeno were both lyrically excellent, so much that Donghyuck’s perfectionist attitude hadn’t felt the need to edit any of the existing lyrics. Instead, he wanted to add—which is something that surprised both Johnny and Mark, as they know how much Donghyuck pays so much attention to detail and how high his standards were.

Donghyuck shrugged them off, saying “I’m not even going to question it, it’s nice to not be so high-strung on what I’m doing for once.”

Since Donghyuck had laid off the lyricism, he was able to help more with the production of the song itself—working with Jeno and Renjun had been so easy for him that all the beats, chords and melodies that he needed came to him easily.

By the end of the second week, they had finished the track and just needed to record their parts. Which was of course, easier said than done. Donghyuck was very particular with how his voice sounded in songs, very meticulous about how his voice would portray his emotions and the _overall mood_ of the song.

He was specially meticulous, because this song was made by Jeno, Renjun and him, for Jeno’s first ever album. Which means it was _very very_ special. Jeno had heard of stories about how Donghyuck would be during recordings and during songwriting, but the stories do not give justice to seeing Donghyuck in action. Donghyuck was very much in his element—it was absolutely amazing for both Renjun and Jeno to see someone who was as mesmerizing making songs as he was performing them.

To Jeno and Renjun however, how serious Donghyuck during recording was very intimidating. He wasn’t imposing or scary, Donghyuck was quite the opposite—he was supportive, reassuring and overall positive. But his aura, how he commands the studio, how assertive Donghyuck was despite being _soft_ , it was intimidating to see. Sure, Donghyuck was also assertive and took the lead in conversations outside the studio, but he would obviously do it in such a way that wasn’t intimidating. In a sense, Jeno and Renjun were both suffering from whiplash with how different Donghyuck was outside of the studio and inside it.

Donghyuck showers Jeno and Renjun with praise after the recording. Donghyuck thinks that Renjun _literally_ has the voice of an angel, a calm contrast to Jeno’s energetic rapping. Renjun’s voice is able to convey the fun, playful mood the song needs to set in a very calm and nonchalant manner, as if he was just there for the fun. Jeno, on the other hand, depicts the boy who just yearns for adventure and excitement, his voice bright and cheery, but his flow delivers a certain edge no one could ever really achieve, aside from Jeno. The two’s voices contrasted well, and Donghyuck could feel his excitement over the song radiate.

Renjun doesn’t say this aloud, but he thinks Donghyuck’s voice alone outshone his and Jeno’s. Renjun’s very confident in his singing and his overall vocal ability, but there was just something about Donghyuck and his voice that shines brightly. His vocal tone is gorgeous, _just like the rest of him,_ Renjun thinks.

If Renjun and Jeno’s voices complemented each other to create art, Donghyuck’s voice was art in itself. There was something about the way Donghyuck works and sings that Renjun couldn’t quite figure out, but is positively enamored by.

Or maybe, it was just Donghyuck that he’s _positively_ enamored by.

\--

After the recording, Donghyuck busies himself with the mixing and finalization of the track. Donghyuck knows that there are many accomplished producers who can do this for him, but he wants this to be _their_ track—his, Jeno’s and Renjun’s. He works alongside other producers, so that personality and bits and pieces of their identity they’ve woven into the track won’t be lost in translation.

Of course, this doesn’t get past Jeno or Renjun. They had visited him at the studio and continuously whined about how Donghyuck was overworking himself for their benefit, which was concerning. Yes, Donghyuck had spent some late nights in the studio to perfect the song. He may have skipped a few meals, too. But it was a small price to pay for a song that he would be proud of.

(Mark had ratted him out to Jeno, because Mark knew Donghyuck wouldn’t listen to him, or Johnny. Jeno’s pouts were a very powerful thing, okay?)

Donghyuck always strived for perfection in his career—whether it be his songs, his choreography, or his performances. Johnny knows this. Mark knows this. Jeno knows this. Renjun has definitely noticed, too.

What they didn’t know, is Donghyuck’s reason behind it—his career has been the only thing he’d ever felt like he was _enough_ for.

\--

Turns out, Renjun, Donghyuck and Jeno’s schedule all aligned. Thus, the trio didn’t just spend their time on the recording studio together to write their song, but they also spent time together filming, shooting and doing various stuff for promotions.

Johnny had asked him first whether he wanted to be a part of Jeno’s promotions—even if his schedule was clear and could align with Jeno and Renjun’s, Johnny always knew that Donghyuck’s decision to join their schedule was more important than anything else. For that, Donghyuck was very thankful for Johnny. Though Donghyuck always seems to act like Johnny’s _kid_ , Johnny has never really treated him as one when it comes to matters that concern his career, which is why Donghyuck absolutely loves Johnny. In this industry, where being young means that you aren’t treated seriously, Donghyuck’s absolutely lucky that he has a manager who will always take him seriously and believe in him.

“Hey, Hyuck. You good?” Johnny asks him, as Johnny takes a seat beside him on the couch of their set. Johnny strokes Donghyuck’s back, trying to comfort the younger boy.

“Yeah, I’m just really, really tired. We’ve been shooting since like, 7am,” the younger boy pouts, and Johnny just laughs.

“I can see that. Mark has to text me to get updates from you, since you haven’t been answering him, apparently,” Johnny chuckles.

“Mark-hyung has been texting me?” Donghyuck’s eyes widen comically, as he frantically searches for his phone, and Johnny laughs loudly.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. Told him you were really busy and were flooded with shootings, so you couldn’t reply earlier,” Johnny said.

Donghyuck sinks back into the sofa, sighing deeply as he did so.

“Thanks, hyung,” Donghyuck mumbles, shutting his eyes for a moment of rest.

“You’re welcome, Hyuckie. You still have five minutes, go take a breather.”

Donghyuck nods absentmindedly, and he feels the couch shift as Johnny stands up.

Donghyuck hears the photographers dismiss Jeno and Renjun for a quick break, telling them to get back at the same time Donghyuck’s break was over.

Donghyuck hears Jeno and Renjun’s footsteps walking over towards him, but he doesn’t bother to open his eyes. The two idols talk in hushed whispers as they sit beside Donghyuck.

“Hyuckie’s so cute,” Jeno coos as he looks over the slightly younger boy who was trying to get some rest.

Jeno strokes Donghyuck’s hair, and Donghyuck shifts closer to Jeno to receive more affection.

Jeno coos and Renjun snorts.

“He’s like a dog, getting petted and all,” Renjun comments, and Donghyuck hears it so he pouts.

“Fuck you, Renjun,” Donghyuck mumbles sleepily and the two other boys laugh.

Donghyuck and Renjun have developed a friendship filled with banter and teasing comments, so it was usual for their exchanges to be quite snarky.

Donghyuck opens his eyes and sees Jeno smiling brightly at him, with a fond look on his eyes, and Renjun was looking at him with a slight smirk, amusement in his eyes.

Donghyuck sits up straighter and tries to wake himself up more. He grabs his phone and types out a reply to Mark, and Jeno notices his frantic typing.

“Mark-hyung?” Jeno asks.

“Yeah, wasn’t able to reply earlier. Don’t want him thinking I was dead,” Donghyuck snorts and Jeno laughs.

Renjun was wearing a look of confusion on his face, and Jeno smugly smirks at the Chinese boy.

“Mark-hyung is Hyuckie’s best friend. They’ve known each other since they were _really_ young and even trained together, when Mark-hyung realized that he wanted to write and produce songs more than he wants to perform them,” Jeno explained, while Donghyuck was still messaging Mark.

Renjun hums in understanding and decides not to question any further, by the look of knowing Jeno has on his face, Renjun thinks that he’s not as slick as he thought he was.

Thankfully, Donghyuck isn’t as perceptive as he thought he was, either.

\--

The month of promotions and shooting with Jeno and Renjun zoomed past Donghyuck. It was a tiring month for the three of them, but at the very least, they had each other. Donghyuck and Jeno’s friendship was even stronger than it had previously been, and Renjun was able to sneeze his way into the friendship as well, it didn’t even seem that Renjun was practically a stranger to Donghyuck a month prior.

The three would even get dinner together alongside Jaemin, Jeno’s long-time boyfriend, and Renjun fit into their circle quite well. Their nights would always be filled with laughter and good stories—Jaemin being the breath of fresh air from their otherwise hectic and suffocating idol life.

Out of the four of them, Jaemin was the only one who wasn’t an idol, though everyone who saw them together would beg to differ. Jaemin has all the qualities to become a great idol, a great personality with a god-like face to match, but Jaemin would always shut down these comments with a light laugh. He’d prefer to keep his job of being kindergarten teacher, _thank you very much._

Jaemin would always humor the three idols with stories about the kids he’s teaching—stories that would range from eliciting a coo or a vindictive _ew_ , there really was no in between. In return, the three would indulge Jaemin’s drama-seeking nature and give him inside scoop of celebrity life—like how the mesmerizing male model named Qian Kun was dating someone who was _apparently_ his _competitor_ in the industry, a fresh-faced model quick to sweep the fashion world off its feet named Li Yongqin (both had been friends of Sicheng, and Renjun heard it from Sicheng when Sicheng was talking with Lucas who also confirmed the news because of the _obvious_ tension between the two models during a shoot that Lucas participated in). No matter what the topic was, though, the four would always end up laughing like there was no tomorrow.

In a way, working with both Jeno and Renjun was therapeutic for Donghyuck. It gave him a taste of what it would have been like to debut in a group—of course, it was obviously not the same thing, but it was close enough for Donghyuck. Donghyuck had always expected that he would debut in a group, after all.

As a trainee, Donghyuck had trained extensively with Mark, hence why they became the _bestest_ of friends. Then, another trainee was added to their partnership by the name of Jung Jaehyun. Jaehyun was the perfect addition to their partnership—an amazing older brother figure who would equally dote on them and let them play around and cause mischief. However, Donghyuck was left alone when Jaehyun dropped out of being an idol trainee and decided to pursue acting, as it was his true passion. Then, it was Mark, who found love in writing and no longer performing.

Donghyuck doesn’t feel any sense of resentment towards the two, though. They were just chasing their own dreams, just like he was. In fact, Mark is _still_ his best friend and Jaehyun is still someone he frequently eats dinner with. They were all good.

But Johnny was always worried about Donghyuck not having any friends of his age, always finding friends with someone who was older. Donghyuck had a tendency of not opening himself up to change or to new people, and instead just cling into the people who have always been there. Which Johnny thinks is valid, but he’s definitely happy that Donghyuck has opened up to more people his age—first with Jeno, and by association Jaemin, and then now, Donghyuck has Renjun, too.

Now, it was their very last day for shooting the promotional video series they were posting in Jeno’s channel. It was a relatively _somber_ mood—everyone was doing their best, providing so much energy to ensure that the conclusion to their activities would be great, but at the same time, its as if no one wanted to let go.

All the staff had been endeared by the trio of idols who were filled with mischief but also genuine kindness. Donghyuck would always start the mischief, Renjun would egg him on, and Jeno would be all smiles, acting like he would be against it for a minute, but then ending up complicit. The three managers, Johnny, Sicheng and Doyoung would claim that the three would be giving them nonstop headaches, but anyone with eyes could see the fond smiles they save for the three idols.

Johnny ends up joining their mischief most of the time, annoying Doyoung to get a reaction off of him. Sicheng would watch the chaos ensue, but would be sure to subtly involve himself in such chaos. And Doyoung, poor, _poor_ Doyoung can’t do anything but just embrace the reality that is chaos.

The shooting was done, and the three idols met up as they were dressed down in casual clothes.

“So, celebratory dinner?” Jeno asks them, and both Renjun and Donghyuck’s eyes light up.

“Let’s get the hyungs to come with us, too!” Donghyuck excitedly added, and the other two nodded in agreement.

“Alright, let’s ask them, then. Hotpot?”

“Oooh. Yeah, I’ve been craving hotpot recently, I’m down!” Jeno says.

The three hurry off to fetch their managers who were finalizing things, and invited them for a celebratory dinner. After all, this was also their manager’s success as much as it was theirs.

The three older men were quick to agree, fondness radiating off of them as they see the three younger men begging for them to go. It was easy to see how much the three idols appreciated their managers—despite the incessant teasing and headaches they seem to naturally bring.

The group heads to a hotspot place that both Renjun and Sicheng were raving over, hence they knew it was genuinely good. Renjun and Sicheng greet the owner, and the owner seems to immediately understand their need for a secluded table, so the owner leads them to a large table at the back.

Donghyuck ends up seated next to Renjun, and Jeno notices how Renjun’s eyes seem to linger towards Donghyuck and how his body naturally gravitates towards the slightly younger idol. Donghyuck, the magnificent conversationalist that he is, engages their managers in light conversation and involves them in the trio’s antics as much as possible.

While Donghyuck is busy trying to light up the room, he fails to see the moth drawn to the flame that is Lee Donghyuck—Huang Renjun.

#### Two.

If you were to ask Johnny, Sicheng, Jeno, or Mark if they would have ever expected Huang Renjun to ask Lee Donghyuck out, they would say yes in a heartbeat.

Donghyuck still doesn’t get it though, how an absolutely perfect person like Renjun would ever date him.

When he first asked Renjun the said question, the one that has been bugging him ever since Renjun asked him if he could take him out on a date, Renjun sighed and ruffled his hair, nonchalantly saying, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

But Donghyuck will always look at the metaphorical gift horse in the mouth—even by the eyes if he had too.

The start of their blooming relationship was filled with bickering that would end with cuddles, movie nights with too much popcorn, and studio visits for lunch. Johnny and Sicheng had both been extremely supportive of the two, even going as far as to ensure that they’re hidden well from the media and their management companies.

Johnny says Renjun humbles Donghyuck, and Renjun just laughs as Donghyuck whines at his manager. Sicheng says Donghyuck breaks down Renjun’s stoic nature, and Renjun just snickers as Donghyuck smiles widely, outshining all the bright stage lights that Renjun had ever performed under.

Truly, they were a power couple. A force to be reckoned with.

Throughout the months of their relationship, Donghyuck was blooming—Haechan was topping all the charts and dominating all the music shows. His performances were gaining more and more attention, his dancing style being praised left and right, his vocals receiving acclaim, and his lyricism and songs perfectly showcasing his identity and versatility.

Renjun was doing well, too—the idol had been promoting in China and South Korea, but as Donghyuck was South Korea’s ace, Renjun was China’s prince. Renjun had been doing exceptionally in his career, too. His vocals receiving high praise, being invited by high-end brands to be an ambassador for them, and his albums topping charts as well.

People who were close to both idols know that the two had been inspiring each other to do better. It was obvious to the knowing eye, but subtle to the unknowing eye. If anything, when the two are seen together, they just look like two friends who have grown closer over the months.

Now, here they were. Six months after their first date.

Renjun had come back from China after promoting for a month, and Donghyuck had just finished his comeback. They were cuddling on Donghyuck’s couch, Donghyuck nuzzling his face into Renjun’s neck, while Renjun lazily rubs Donghyuck’s arm comfortingly. They were watching a moving that had long been forgotten by Donghyuck, as Donghyuck was growing clingier and clingier by the minute.

It took Renjun a long time to accept the fact that Donghyuck was physically clingy, and Donghyuck understood that. He knows that not everyone relies on physical touches to feel reassured, and he gets that. That’s why Donghyuck had been extremely patient with Renjun, someone who wasn’t necessarily all that comfortable with physical touches. However, after six months of dating, Renjun no longer freezes stiff when Donghyuck cuddles into him, and that’s all Donghyuck could ever ask for.

Renjun can’t help but feel scared about his relationship with Donghyuck. Falling in love with Donghyuck was _too_ easy. The boy in his arms shine so brightly that sometimes he can’t help but feel the burn. Renjun’s scared because never in his life had he felt so dependent on someone—every day of his promotions in China, all he could ever think of was Donghyuck. It was as if every hour, he had an innate need to text the slightly younger boy in Korea. This dependency was _really_ scary, specially to someone who grew up extremely independent.

During the first month of dating Donghyuck, Sicheng was ecstatic and teasing Renjun about how he _finally_ discovered his own emotions. Renjun didn’t take much offense from the statement, though—admittedly, it _was_ true. Renjun wasn’t particularly the best with validating what he feels and how he feels things.

When Renjun asked Donghyuck out, he didn’t even try to sort his feelings out. Hell, he didn’t even realize how far gone his emotions had been involved. He didn’t know, neither did he care—what Renjun knew for sure was that the extremely talented boy in front of him was someone he wanted to kiss and hold hands with, write songs for and be sappy with.

Thus, as Renjun lays comfortably in Donghyuck’s couch, the boy he holds dearest to his heart melting into his embrace, Renjun doesn’t care about how scared he was. Renjun doesn’t even think about defining his feelings, he just goes along with it.

“Hyuckie,” Renjun starts, placing his finger under Donghyuck’s chin, lifting the boy’s face up to be directly in front of his, “I love you.”

Donghyuck looked at him with wide, curious eyes and Renjun couldn’t help but laugh fondly. “Oh my god,” it was clear that Donghyuck hadn’t expected Renjun to say the three words first, but to be fair, even Renjun was surprised.

“You said it first,” Donghyuck looked at Renjun in awe, and Renjun scoffed.

“Yeah, and? You want me to take it back?” Renjun teased, and Donghyuck hit him lightly in the chest. Donghyuck giggled and Renjun swore that Donghyuck’s giggle was a gift from god himself.

“No. I love you, too,” Donghyuck said, looking Renjun straight in the eye, with a grin that Renjun could never grow tired of. Renjun smiled back and kissed Donghyuck straight on the lips, as if to seal their exchanged _I love you’s._

\--

Renjun thought that Donghyuck was too easy to love, but he doesn’t know that Donghyuck thinks the same way.

Renjun had been the stability that Donghyuck badly craved—the comforting bed to fall back to after a long and tiring day at work.

It was easy to fall in love with Renjun, when Renjun was unafraid of teasing him and unafraid of pushing his limits. It was easy to fall in love with Renjun when he held his head high proudly as he sung the songs that come straight from his heart, exposing his emotions for the world to feel. It was easy to fall in love with Renjun when he would always remind him that it was okay to rest—at night, the sun needs the moon to take over being the light that shines on everyone, after all. It was so easy to fall in love with Renjun, when he was so unapologetically himself, no matter what would happen.

It was easy to fall in love with _Huang Renjun._ But what’s easier, is to love, _Huang Renjun._

\--

Renjun was dressed in a simple outfit for their day ahead, embodying the _artsy college kid_ aesthetic he’s carefully crafted for himself. He was wearing cream skinny jeans, pairing it with white high-top converse, and a mustard yellow sweater over a cream collared shirt. He was even wearing his thin-rimmed glasses to add to the entire look, and a simple watch on his wrist.

Donghyuck was dressed similar to Renjun in a sense that he looked like another _college kid_ , but opting for a _louder_ presence. Donghyuck was wearing black skinny jeans and red high-cut converse, and a color-blocked sweater that was a size too big for Donghyuck, successfully giving him sweater paws. Donghyuck didn’t tuck the sweater in either, letting it fall over his small frame. He finished up the outfit with a yellow bucket hat that was embroidered with a sunflower at the center.

“You ready?” Renjun asked Donghyuck, looking over the other boy with a smile.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Donghyuck replied, grabbing his phone and keys as they make their way downstairs, to get to Renjun’s car.

Renjun drove them to the National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art, which was somewhere both Renjun and Donghyuck have always wanted to go to but never had the time for. So now, as they had a day off to spend together, it was a great idea to visit the said museum.

Renjun had always been passionate about art, this Donghyuck knows—Donghyuck has seen the Chinese boy talk endlessly about art multiple times. It was something that really endeared Donghyuck, too. Renjun was an _artist_ , and he is _art_ , too. Donghyuck was equally exited to see the art pieces from the museum and to see Renjun happily take in the art around him.

They arrive at the museum, and Renjun happily jogs over to Donghyuck’s side of the car and opens the door for him. Renjun grins at the younger boy and he excitedly takes Donghyuck’s hand, almost dragging the boy straight to the museum.

Donghyuck and Renjun were laughing as they enter the museum, but as soon as Renjun steps foot in the museum, his jaw drops and his eyes widen. It was of course, _breathtaking_. But as Donghyuck looks over to Renjun, he doesn’t really know what took his breath away—the gorgeous paintings and sculptures that adorn the museum, or Renjun.

Donghyuck will probably never know the answer.

Renjun excitedly drags Donghyuck to the first section, which was filled with paintings. Renjun goes off to explain to Donghyuck the various pieces and Donghyuck was pleasantly surprised—hell, all the artists showcased were Koreans, but he didn’t even recognize any name, at all, but Renjun seemed to know each artist and their back story.

The entire time, they were holding hands and Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel absolutely giddy. This museum date was one of the rare chances where they can actually go _out_ for a date, considering their schedules seldom matched up, or they were too afraid to be bombarded with media, so it was nice to just be able to hold hands outside—an act usually reserved for when they’re enclosed within the four walls of Donghyuck’s apartment—never Renjun’s, because Renjun’s apartment was _too messy_ for Donghyuck, anyways. At least that was what Renjun told Donghyuck.

As they walk around the museum, it felt as if it was only Donghyuck and Renjun at the museum. The museum barely had any other visitors besides them, probably, which is something that benefits them greatly. It allowed Donghyuck to sneak some cheek kisses to Renjun when Renjun got very passionate about a piece, and Renjun would flare up. Donghyuck couldn’t help it—Renjun was absolutely adorable with his wide eyes and expressive storytelling.

They walk all over the museum, enjoying the art and enjoying each other’s company and just as they were finishing up, Renjun points a group of men with a bunch of cameras looking for them and Donghyuck tenses up. They hide from the media’s line of sight and talk.

“That’s a lot of them,” Donghyuck says, looking over to the group of men who had probably been tipped off.

“Yeah. How should we go about it?” Renjun asked, tilting his head to point towards the media.

“Let’s just walk calmly and act as if its nothing new, they probably wouldn’t even assume that it’s a date,” Donghyuck says, rolling his eyes to show his annoyance.

Renjun giggles, “You’re right. I keep forgetting that Korea’s very heteronormative.”

“Renjun, we could probably kiss in front of them and they’d say that _we’re the bestest of friends_ ,” Donghyuck snorts.

“Alright, let’s head to the car then,” Renjun says, sending Donghyuck a smile.

Donghyuck nods and follows Renjun as they walk towards his car.

They engage in _non-suspicious_ conversation, in order to keep up with the act of being unaware of the media following them.

As Renjun and Donghyuck entered the car, they both exchanged deep sighs of relief. They look at each other, and they burst into laughter—thinking about how absolutely ridiculous the situation they had been in was.

“I _really_ fucking hate Korean media outlets,” Donghyuck says, breathing out a laugh as he looks at the group of confused photographers minimize in his view as Renjun drives away.

“Same, even the Chinese media isn’t as ruthless as they are,” Renjun says, quickly glancing over Donghyuck with a smile on his face.

“I’m really hungry after all that. Hotpot?” Donghyuck asks, a hopeful lilt to his voice.

“Hotpot,” Renjun nods, as he drives towards their favorite hotpot place.

\--

The sun was out and shining brightly, a blanket of warmth enveloping Renjun and Donghyuck, as they lay out in a beach towel in Jeju. The pair had a three-day vacation, and they decided to make the most of it. Renjun laid his head on Donghyuck’s thighs, Donghyuck looking at Renjun fondly as he plays with Renjun’s hair.

“We haven’t talked about China as soon as you got back. How was it, Renjun?”

“It was good—I met someone the same age as Mark-hyung. He’s a singer as well, and I’m so glad I got to work with him, I genuinely think he’s a vocal god. His name is Xiao Dejun, we might have to listen to his songs later tonight, they’re so good!” Renjun rants, and times like these were rare to come by, so Donghyuck relishes in it.

It was a known fact that Donghyuck was the chattier of the two—he was the one to frequently go on tangents about work and about the people around him, and Renjun would always diligently listen, taking in every breath that Donghyuck makes. Renjun paid so much attention to the details of Donghyuck’s story, that Donghyuck would be flustered when Renjun would mention little details that even Donghyuck didn’t know he talked about. So, in times where Renjun was the one to rant, Donghyuck would listen just as attentively.

Renjun was knowing looking up Donghyuck with a soft smile, and even softer eyes, and Donghyuck smiles back at him.

“Actually, I know of him, just didn’t know you worked with him. He’s the one who sang Face to Face, right? I loved that song a lot,” Donghyuck replied.

Renjun’s eyes lit up, and he immediately sat up straight, surprising Donghyuck of the sudden movement. He nods his head excitedly, and continues to rant.

“I also met Xuxi-ge! He was modelling in China, and it was really cute because he was modelling with his boyfriend. His name is Hendery, and I met with him, too! We all ate dinner together alongside Dejun-ge and we all got along well. Also found out through both Hendery-ge and Xuxi-ge that Kun-ge and Ten-hyung are very much _going_ strong, I’m not sure whether the talks of marriage are true, but, with them, who knows?”

Renjun had a fond look on his face, reserved for friends that Renjun genuinely adores. Donghyuck smiles and takes in Renjun—Renjun was wearing a white tank top and beach shorts, sunglasses perched on his head. His hair was messy, ruffled by the sea breeze and his cheeks were tainted with pink due to the heat.

“How was Chenle, by the way? Didn’t you see each other for a bit?” Donghyuck asks Renjun about the Chinese boy’s younger cousin, who Donghyuck had met in Korea for a brand endorsement. As young as Chenle was, he had already made a business empire for himself—a brand of streetwear clothing that he even models himself. Chenle had met Donghyuck under the pretense of convincing someone to be his brand ambassador, but then was quick to realize that Donghyuck was the same Haechan that Renjun had been growing fond of. Donghyuck, of course, agreed to the brand deal. The younger boy was too charming for his own good.

Renjun snorts at the thought of his younger cousin before saying, “He’s fine. Apparently, he’s working with an up and coming rapper from Germany who’s also Chinese and would be debuting in China. According to Chenle, the rapper is our age and he’s pretty much taken over the western world with how good he is—Chenle also gushed about how _absolutely perfect_ the rapper would be as a brand ambassador, because the boy was known for his _exquisite_ rapping and fashion sense.”

“Do I have to fight someone for the title of _Chenle’s favorite ambassador_ then?” Donghyuck giggles.

Renjun laughs and says, “You know, I don’t actually know, you should probably watch out.”

Renjun lays his head down on Donghyuck’s thighs again and closes his eyes, now choosing to nap. Donghyuck reaches for the book he was reading and proceeds to read again.

They spend an entire day under the sun—swimming, giggling and talking about everything and anything. It was under the sun that Donghyuck realized how bright Renjun shines, how vulnerable he can get when there’s no one else but them.

Donghyuck wishes that Renjun could bare this much of himself when its just them in his apartment, too.

But maybe that’s wishful thinking—because Renjun only shows himself in the light, never in the dark room that is Donghyuck’s apartment.

#### Three.

Donghyuck wants to say that he didn’t see it coming, but honestly, he’d be lying to himself.

From Renjun having to go to China and promote in China for extended periods of time, to Haechan being unable to meet with Renjun in the days that Renjun is available, their relationship had been struggling. Neither of the two prioritizes texting back to the other, either; this isn’t to say that Donghyuck was extremely clingy and wanted a text every hour, it would just be nice to be reassured and replied to. _China isn’t even that far behind with Korea’s timezone_ , Donghyuck thinks. Their schedules have been causing problems but that isn’t the only thing that’s going bad.

See, Lee Donghyuck, Haechan, Korea’s Ace was less self-assured than most people think. Yes, Donghyuck is confident as Haechan—he’s confident in his artistry, after all. The thing is, Donghyuck is only ever confident as a performer and as an idol. He’s only confident with his songs and how his songs would chart. Only confident in his dancing and his stage presence, naturally gaining attention of everyone that watches him on stage.

This is something that people close to Donghyuck know all-too-well. Johnny would always be sure to assure the idol’s performance and constantly shower him in praises for his performances and even just in the simplest of Donghyuck’s actions. Johnny was the type of person to say “good job!” to Donghyuck as he orders his own coffee or stands up for himself as choreographers offer him backhanded compliments.

Mark knew this, too. Mark was the first person Donghyuck would ever go to when he spirals into self-depreciation and confusion. It was very hard for Donghyuck to see his own worth. This was something Mark knew ever since they had been trainees, and the main reason why Donghyuck worked harder than anyone to debut as an idol. Mark was the first to see how Donghyuck truly shined brightly as Haechan—first to see how the shy boy from Jeju would turn into someone so bright and charming that everyone struggled to _not_ look at him, as soon as he was given a stage to perform into.

This is also why Donghyuck would cling to Mark more than anyone else in his life—Donghyuck had even admitted that he could afford to lose everyone in his life but Mark, for Mark is a constant. Mark is the reminder that Donghyuck didn’t need to always be Haechan to be appreciated. Mark was truly _his rock_.

Now, things get messier when Donghyuck, someone who struggles with self-worth, is in a relationship with someone who is _very_ guarded.

Throughout the relationship, Renjun had always been more reserved with clinginess and affection. This was something Donghyuck understood and respected, hence why during the start of their relationship, Donghyuck had let Renjun take the lead with affection. Donghyuck was naturally affectionate and thrived in physical touches, but he understands that not everyone was the same way, and he _specially_ understood that Renjun was that way.

Renjun wasn’t one to express his emotions all too often, either—choosing to keep things to himself instead. Well, until the situation blows up and it makes it so he absolutely _needs_ to show his emotions. Renjun had always been one to avoid intimacy and vulnerability. This was something that Renjun had learned from his childhood; that Renjun shouldn’t bare his emotions for the world to see, because if the world sees how he truly is, the world will turn its back on him.

Renjun was reserved, Donghyuck respected that—but wouldn’t it be normal for Donghyuck to be able to visit Renjun’s apartment at least once, in the year that they had been dating each other?

When Donghyuck had first asked about it, Renjun laughed and claimed that it was too messy for Donghyuck to even breathe in. The second time, Renjun shrugged him off again, chuckling lightly as he made up an excuse about the air conditioning being broken. The third time, though, was the roughest—it lead to one of the first fights the couple had endured, a big fight, that is. The fight had been so explosive that Donghyuck admitted his insecurities in the relationship—how Donghyuck had felt as if Renjun wasn’t as invested or interested in the relationship as he was. To this, Renjun had claimed full offense—he’d even list the amount of times Renjun was there for Donghyuck the moment that he could be, included the fact that he had been the one to organize most of their dates and did the most in order to hide from the press. Renjun had been fully angered by the fact that apparently, him not taking back Donghyuck to his apartment would completely erase all the other things he did for Donghyuck. But after Renjun had shed a tear of frustration as Donghyuck had already been bawling, Renjun wiped the tear off and grabbed his coat, instead choosing to leave Donghyuck’s apartment than facing the problem head on.

To Donghyuck, Renjun ran away.

To Renjun, he was just avoiding the possibility of the world turning on him.

The fight had gone on for three days of the couple not communicating at all—the last texts they had exchanged was the night of the fight, Donghyuck sending Renjun a “Don’t do anything stupid,” text that Renjun left on read. On the third day, though, Renjun had opted to text Donghyuck a simple sorry text, and they fully resolved the fight with dinner. In Donghyuck’s apartment.

As if their personal issues weren’t enough to mess with Renjun and Donghyuck’s relationship, they also had to face the extreme pressures of hiding their relationship from the world. They thought that the longer they had been in the relationship, the easier it would get—imagine their surprise when it hadn’t been the case. Their increasing popularity as idols had made it harder for them to meet, so every time they’d meet, it would be rushed and it wouldn’t be in the best of circumstances. Donghyuck and Renjun would very much like just to lose all their inhibitions and show the world that they were, _in fact¸_ very much in love (if they can call it that way, honestly) but they couldn’t and they _shouldn’t_. The public eye was too watchful and judging, Donghyuck is pretty sure they wouldn’t be able to handle _it._

\--

Donghyuck knows that the damage has become irreversible the moment he realized that the relationship was tiring him out more than it had been making him happy.

It hurt to admit, but Renjun was the same way, too.

Johnny had even commented on how Donghyuck seemed to be more tired than usual, even slipping up on his choreographies the past few practices—which meant that Donghyuck was extra hard on himself. Donghyuck _knows_ things are bad, when Johnny has resorted to making sure that Mark eats lunch with him every day and texts Mark all the time about how he was doing.

Donghyuck didn’t have the strength to tell them off, he was _so_ tired.

Renjun wasn’t any better.

The stoic and _emotionless_ Sicheng had expressed worry over the younger Chinese boy as the younger would come to work looking like death. It was obvious that Renjun had been foregoing with taking care of himself and instead worrying over his relationship.

Sometimes, replying to a text would be _too_ emotionally draining for Renjun—specially when the incoming texts after it would complain a passive aggressive comment about his unresponsiveness. Renjun knows he seems _inhumane_ , not letting himself feel emotion, but he’d rather be inhumane than let others see everything, and for them to leave him in the end. The thing is, Renjun would like to speak, _sometimes_ , but for some reason, his feelings _can’t_ come out—his mind making up quick attempts to divert the conversation instead.

And Renjun hates himself more, as he sees Donghyuck’s eyes filled with unshed tears just because Renjun can’t use his mouth _to speak his mind._ Renjun knows everything—Renjun knows that Donghyuck clings to him and makes passive aggressive comments because he so badly wants to be assured that Renjun loves him as much as he loves Renjun. Renjun knows exactly how much Donghyuck struggles with assuring himself, but Renjun doesn’t know what to do. Despite knowing those things, Renjun still doesn’t know how to do is to tell Donghyuck just how much Donghyuck means to him.

\--

Donghyuck wants to say that he was surprised that he and Renjun had been fighting non-stop recently, but he honestly isn’t. Every time they get the chance to meet up, they’ve been bickering endlessly, and it isn’t the _lovely_ type, either. It was an exchange of _hurtful_ words upon _more hurtful_ words—it was like a dam was opened, and violent waves of emotions rush out of them.

 _It’s the lack of rest,_ Donghyuck thinks.

 _It’s their tendencies of overworking,_ Renjun concludes.

 _It’s the need for a breather,_ Donghyuck convinces himself.

 _It’s the pressures of choosing the path they walk on,_ Renjun tries to say, but he _doesn’t._

\--

In an attempt to salvage the relationship they had, Renjun and Donghyuck had agreed to take a much needed three-day vacation.

For the most part, Sicheng and Johnny had seen the emotional turmoil both idols had been enduring, and thus both managers had taken it upon themselves to fight for a three-day break for their beloved idols. Both men had urged the boys to take a well-deserved break for _months_ , but both Renjun and Donghyuck had only warmed up to the idea until recently.

Perhaps, it was because neither of them wanted to admit that the relationship was at a point that it needed _saving_ —but the recent fights had been too much to bear for either of them, hence the change of heart.

So, they’re on their way to another three-day vacation in a remote beach in Jeju. A reminder of what they once _had._

\--

The day for their vacation had finally come, and instead of excitement, Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel anxious. This vacation would be the longest time he’d spend with Renjun after _five months_ of rushed meetings and endless arguments.

They sit next to each other on the plane, and Donghyuck feels as if he’s seated next to a stranger—not the boy he’s been in love with for the past year and a half. It was a heartbreaking realization—to finally admit that he no longer knows Renjun as well as he used to.

Renjun feels the same way—he wasn’t used to Donghyuck staying silent, was always used to Donghyuck trying to fill up the empty space with endless chatter. Renjun wonders when Donghyuck stopped trying to fill up the emptiness in their hearts, but if Renjun would be honest, he wasn’t surprised that Donghyuck gave up, either. There was no use trying to light up the world of someone endlessly drowning in the deep, vast _ocean—_ devoid of light and oxygen, a surprisingly high amount of pressure keeping Renjun stuck and unable to swim upwards.

As they sit next to each other, trying to catch up on sleep on the short flight, they find a sense of comfort wash over them, their bodies familiarizing with the warmth they once had been _very_ familiar with. It was nice, both boys thought, to finally be _beside_ each other and not just _next_ to each other.

\--

Arriving at the vacation home they had both rented, a light mood followed them, one that was reminiscent of the earlier times of their relationship. They had been bickering, of course, because _this_ is Renjun and Donghyuck—but the bickering was about who was to carry the luggage they had shared, or who was to pay for the cab fare. Nothing remotely as heavy as the previous bickering they had found to be normal in their relationship for the past few months.

So, the first thing they both do was to change into lighter clothes much more fitting for the beach; a pair of white shorts for Donghyuck, paired with a thin, loose, pale yellow shirt that looked godly against his tanned skin and a pair of denim shorts for Renjun, paired with a loose light blue button-up, leaving the two top buttons unbuttoned.

They had decided to walk around town for the day, relish in the beauty of the environment around them, explore local shops and indulge themselves in street food that Donghyuck had grew up with.

Donghyuck had told his family about his arrival to Jeju, his hometown, however, he had expressed to his mother how he could not bring Renjun anytime soon—his mother had agreed when he said that it would be for the best, knowing about everything that the two had been suffering through these past few months.

So, the two explore Jeju in their own world—a bit of awkwardness revolving around them, which was honestly something that Donghyuck had already anticipated. They had been doing nothing but fighting, after all; no proper conversations, whatsoever.

As they walk, they still _don’t_ hold hands, in fear of _someone_ seeing them. They do, however, engage in a conversation to catch up with each other, and Donghyuck can’t help but to naturally smile at Renjun. Surprisingly, Renjun does the same.

Renjun chatters endlessly about his friends in China. Dejun had finally finalized a contract with Renjun’s label, thus making them label mates—Dejun would also be moving to Korea, as well. Lucas and Hendery are going strong, too; both looking at apartments to move into in Seoul, since both had been offered promising opportunities in the world of fashion in Seoul. Chenle’s brand is expanding worldwide, thanks to the growth Donghyuck and Chenle’s newest ambassador, Yangyang, were able to bring. Renjun talked about Yangyang, the newest addition to the group of kids Kun and Ten _parent_ , who was a young, up and coming rapper from Germany, who already took the western world by storm prior to moving to China. Yangyang, who also signed a contract with Renjun’s label, and is preparing for his _highly anticipated_ Korean and Chinese debut. Renjun talks about his friends so fondly and happily that Donghyuck didn’t have the heart to be jealous of the fact that Renjun seemed to be doing well _despite_ the obvious stress their relationship had been bringing the both of them.

_(What Donghyuck doesn’t know, is the fact that Renjun had only become so fond of the group because of how understanding and honest they had been with him when he opened up about his relationship issues with Donghyuck—Yangyang had been the one to encourage the vacation and the ‘trying harder’ thing on Renjun’s part, and for that Renjun had been eternally grateful.)_

Donghyuck, on the other hand, caught Renjun up with the few people he called friends. Donghyuck had extensively talked about Jeno and Jaemin, how they still look at each other with stars in their eyes. Donghyuck talks about Mark and how he and Mark had been recording and writing more songs together, the past few months, and how Mark had been going on dates with a guy named Daniel—though Mark had claimed that it was nothing serious and he would probably break it off soon. Donghyuck even comically told Renjun of a story about Johnny being an absolute _disaster_ gay around one of Donghyuck’s cousins—the rapper Lee Taeyong. He told Renjun enthusiastically of how big Johnny’s eyes had gone when he saw Donghyuck hugging Taeyong tightly, as the latter was fitted with a tight pair of red leather pants, a lacy white crop top, and a red leather jacket. Donghyuck had obviously caught on Johnny’s crush quickly and introduced the rapper to his manager. Johnny had managed to introduce himself and tell Taeyong that he was a fan, thankfully. However, when they had left, Donghyuck had received an insane amount of nagging from Johnny about not knowing that he and _the_ Lee Taeyong were related. Donghyuck didn’t miss the opportunity to tease his manager about it, obviously, but he was pretty sure that Taeyong was just as panicked of a gay as much as Johnny was.

Walking side by side, exchanging funny anecdotes to catch up with each other, this had been what Donghyuck and Renjun had exactly needed.

\--

They spend the next two days lounging around and spending days on the beach in front of their rented home—after the full day of going to town to splurge on food and explore the locality, they had decided to spend the next days in their own world, clinging to the normalcy they badly needed. The days they spent were light and happy and filled with so much love.

But all good things come to an end.

It was their last night in Jeju, they spend it cuddling in the large king-sized bed that seems to erase all their problems at night.

A tense air looms over the pair. Both of them know about the conversation they should be having—after the three days of heaven, must they return to the earth that reminds them of the eternal pressure they’ll have to face once more?

Of course, it was Donghyuck who opened the conversation.

“Are we going back to how we have been, Renjun?” Donghyuck had asked Renjun, looking up from Renjun’s chest to meet the other’s eyes.

Renjun sighs, “I honestly don’t know, Hyuck.”

“I’m tired of fighting with you,” Hyuck mutters into Renjun’s chest, his voice incredibly small in comparison to his usually loud voice that could brighten a room.

“I know, I’m tired too, Hyuck,” Renjun says, trying his hardest not to let his emotions take over him.

Donghyuck sits up, showing how serious he was, “Then why can’t you tell me that we won’t be fighting anymore?”

Donghyuck was crying by now, utterly devastated by the fact that even then, Renjun could _not_ give him the _definite_ answer he badly wants.

“Hyuck, I don’t know—I can’t tell the future, you know this,” Renjun had also sat up, face to face with Donghyuck, holding Donghyuck’s hands in his, but his voice laced with exasperation.

“Can you at least promise that you’ll be with me in the future? Through the tough times ahead?”

“Hyuck…”

“Renjun, I just want a definite answer, something that tells me you want this relationship as much as I do.”

“Hyuck, you know how much I love you, too—how much this relationship means to me.”

“That’s the thing, Renjun—I don’t know anymore,” Donghyuck says, his voice breaking as he croaks out the last few words, tears streaming down his face.

Renjun moves closer, hugging Donghyuck as tightly as he can, wiping away Donghyuck’s tears. Renjun chooses to remain silent, letting silent tears fall from his face.

“Do you see a future with me, Renjun?” Donghyuck looks at Renjun’s eyes intently, and somehow, Renjun knows that _Donghyuck knows_ his answer would break him.

“Hyuck…”

“Renjun, answer me honestly. I love you so much, and I’d rather you tell me the truth, than let us hurt each other continuously with a relationship we can no longer hold on to,” Donghyuck explains, no longer sobbing, but still teary. Donghyuck was very serious now—his voice was laced with sadness and longing but also, understanding.

Renjun couldn’t answer—the boy in front of him was so _broken_ and it was because of him. The first boy he ever loved _so_ greatly, was here, telling him that it was _alright_ if he wanted to let go—that no matter what, they’d be alright.

“I’m sorry, Hyuck,” Renjun says, tears streaming his face. By now, he had absolutely no intent to stop his emotions from showing.

This, in turn shocks Donghyuck. For the past year and a half of their relationship, he had _never_ seen Renjun cry—never seen him so _emotional_.

Donghyuck wants to say that he had not anticipated Renjun’s answer, but the thing is, Donghyuck _knew_ Renjun. He knew what Renjun’s answer would be, before Renjun had even been asked the question.

So, instead of soothing his own heartbreak, he hugs and soothes Renjun’s; for seeing Renjun so _broken_ was more heartbreaking than being broken up with, Donghyuck realizes.

Donghyuck whispers strings of _we’ll be okay’s_ and _you’ll be okay’s_ into Renjun’s ears, as they hug each other tightly, sobs erupting from the both of them.

That night, they settle that it would be the last night of their relationship—the conclusion to the love story they had tried to write.

That night, they cuddle each other tightly, clinging onto the relationship they knew was about to end.

\--

The next day, they ride to the airport holding hands. They walk around the airport holding hands. They sit on the plane, holding hands.

But as soon as the plane landed, they let go of each other’s hands—and their relationship as well.

To finalize everything, Renjun had gone to Donghyuck’s apartment to collect some of the stuff he’s left there over the course of their relationship.

As Renjun moves to leave, Donghyuck reaches over to hug him.

“Thank you, Renjun. I love you lots, never forget that, okay? We’ll be okay. Maybe not now. Maybe not anytime soon, but we’ll _be_ okay, I promise. Don’t be a stranger, alright?” Donghyuck says into the hug, letting a few silent tears fall.

“Thank you, too, Hyuck. You have taught me so much. I love you too. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make it okay, too. I love you so much, don’t forget that, either. You _are_ loved, and you are truly amazing, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” Renjun says softly, hugging Donghyuck just as tightly.

Renjun lets go of Donghyuck, and they smile at each other softly, albeit being sad.

Renjun waves goodbye to Donghyuck and their relationship as he walks out of Donghyuck’s apartment.

This may be the end of a romantic relationship, but hopefully, the start of a stronger friendship.

#### Four.

The first people to know about Donghyuck and Renjun’s break up was obviously their circle of friends.

For Donghyuck, it was Jeno, Jaemin, Mark, Johnny, Jaehyun and his mother. Donghyuck had texted them the news, after Renjun had left his apartment. It wasn’t too early to announce it, Donghyuck thinks, as they had _technically_ broken up the night before they left for Jeju.

Nonetheless, the announcement had triggered a flurry of “r u okay?” texts from his friends, and an “i’m coming over with ice cream” text from his best friend. Donghyuck had sent his friends reassurances, telling them that he just needed time to process the entire thing alone. Of course, Mark knew better than to leave Donghyuck alone with his thoughts, so Mark fulfilled his promise and came over with an array of Donghyuck’s favorite flavors of ice cream.

Donghyuck, after the break up, had been mopey for a few weeks, but Donghyuck had to admit that a significant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He wasn’t the type to dwell on a relationship after it had been over—but he would sometimes find himself thinking about whether it could have gone another way had he been more secure with himself.

Donghyuck couldn’t find it in himself to resent Renjun as his ex. If anything, he still found solace in the thought of Renjun, and the thought that Renjun was probably feeling the same way that he was.

Renjun also sent a text to Jeno and Jaemin about the break up (though he was sure they had heard it first from Donghyuck) as soon as he settled back into his apartment. Then, he messaged the group chat including all of his friends a text to inform them of the break up as well.

Renjun also received private messages of asking him whether he was okay or not, and he had responded to each of them earnestly—saying that he was, in fact, not okay, but he didn’t want to talk about it either.

Renjun knew that Yangyang was _eccentric_ , but his text would probably top his _top ten very ballsy (and possibly dumb) moments_.

Yangyang, unlike Renjun’s other friends, instead of sending him a text asking about how he was, instead sent a text saying: “dude i know ur sad and shit, but know that ur doing donghyuck AND urself a favor.”

Renjun doesn’t know whether he wanted to thank Yangyang or to strangle him—but the text he’d read had made him laugh through the tears, so the former would probably be better. Yangyang was right anyways, _surprisingly_ , as always.

Before Renjun could reply, Yangyang had sent another text saying: “im kidding. slightly kidding. u both know its for the better anyway, specially if yall want to be friends after everything still. ill be here for u tho if u need someone to talk to. dont worry too much, im good at keeping secrets so that ur cover wont be blown and people would still think ur an emotionless robot.”

Renjun let out a full laugh at the text, this time. It wasn’t a mere chuckle, it was a genuine laugh, and he was genuinely thankful of the shithead that is Liu Yangyang.

Renjun sent him a _thank you_ text.

The weeks after, Renjun had been less mopey in comparison to Donghyuck, but he was still quite somber. More compliant than usual, Sicheng would say. He lacked the snarky remarks and the sass that his team would know was natural from him.

However, despite the sadness he felt, he also felt like himself, more than he has in the past few months, no longer chained by thoughts of hurting Donghyuck more than he should have. A weight was lifted from his shoulders, and slowly but surely, he feels as if he could _finally_ swim upwards again, no longer pressured and chained to the ocean floor.

They _will_ be okay. Renjun is sure of this.

\--

True to their words, they had not been strangers. When they run into each other for promotions, shootings and recordings, they still greet each other warmly, and catch up with a few words, no sense of awkwardness lingering between them.

But it was a year after, when Renjun had reached out to Donghyuck through text.

It was a simple text that had caught Donghyuck _off guard._ He was in the middle of a songwriting session with Mark, for an album that he was currently producing when he received the sudden text, it was simple enough to understand, but also _quite_ vague that it causes Donghyuck’s eyebrows to crease as soon as he reads the text. Mark leans back in his chair to turn to Donghyuck, finding it odd for the younger to stop mid-sentence, only to see the younger’s face filled with confusion.

“What’s up?” Mark asks Donghyuck, voice filled with worry.

“Ah, its nothing. Renjun’s just asking when I’m free,” Donghyuck says, trying to be as calm as possible.

“You asked why?” Mark asks.

“Ah, no. Was just about to respond asking him for what reason,” Donghyuck replies, as he types out a response to Renjun.

Mark hums in response, and turns his seat back to face the computer he and Donghyuck were using.

Donghyuck replied with _‘why?’_ and Renjun was quick to respond with a message that made Donghyuck more anxious _(but also, quite happy?)_ than it should.

Renjun’s text read: “closure, i guess? im free on sat, wbu?”

Donghyuck replied: “alright. im free on sat, too. just text me the time and place.”

After he typed out the response and sent it, he turned his phone off and faced Mark again, to return to the song they had been working on.

Mark, of course, had questions, but Donghyuck figured they’d talk about it later over dinner instead—the older picking up on the fact that Donghyuck had been processing the entire thing still.

\--

Saturday came sooner than Donghyuck had expected, and he was now on the way to meet Renjun at a quaint little café they visited frequently before.

When Donghyuck told Mark about Renjun wanting to meet up for closure, he had been supportive. He told Donghyuck: “Hyuck, you’ve moved on, sure—but you’ve got questions, and now would be the time to get some answers.”

To which, Donghyuck agreed but that doesn’t make it any less scary. He and Renjun had broken up in amicable terms, but there had obviously been some questions about the relationship he had struggled to resolve on his own.

Donghyuck enters the café, and he immediately sees Renjun seated at their favorite table—separated from other customers. Renjun had also ordered for him, the same order he always had when they went to the said café.

“Hey,” Renjun greeted, standing up to offer a hug.

“Hey,” Donghyuck replied, smiling back and hugging Renjun.

“I got you what you used to order, hope you don’t mind,” Renjun said, pointing to the cup of iced americano and small plate of chocolate cake.

“No, it’s fine, thank you,” Donghyuck replies, taking the seat in front of Renjun.

“So, how have you been?” Renjun starts off, and Donghyuck is startled by how much Renjun has changed—Renjun, who would rather _sulk_ than initiate conversation. Now, he’s the one to take lead of the conversation.

“Honestly? I’ve been good. Still single, but honestly, it’s for the best. The job we have, its really demanding. I’m trying to work on my relationship with myself, too, before anything else,” Donghyuck says.

Renjun nods and smiles, a look of pride on his face—if Renjun was honest, he’d always known about Donghyuck’s insecurities, so he’s quite glad that the slightly younger man had been working on that.

“I’m happy for you, Hyuck, I really am. I’m single too—and you’re absolutely right, life is hectic as an idol. But I guess I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world and honestly, I’m good where I am, too. I started going to therapy, too. Trying to resolve my issues and sort out my emotions healthily,” Renjun explains, and Donghyuck beams brightly at him.

“So, I take it our lives have gone for the better?” Donghyuck asks, with no ounce of resentment in his tone.

“I’d have to say yes,” Renjun says, and they erupt into a fit of laughter.

They begin to talk about their friends and their jobs. Donghyuck talks about the album he’s working on with Mark and he’ll be releasing with Mark. They wouldn’t be promoting nor performing it in Korean shows, so it isn’t Mark’s official debut. They were releasing it globally, too—through one of Mark’s connections, 88rising.

Donghyuck talks about how Johnny and Taeyong got together after Donghyuck had invited his older cousin to have dinner with them, which lead to the two older men finding so many things about each other and finding so many common interests that by the end of the night, they had exchanged numbers. Of course, Donghyuck takes full credit for the relationship, and uses it as an advantage when he wants to gain something from Johnny. Johnny doesn’t like to admit it, but even without Donghyuck’s _advantage_ , he would do anything for Donghyuck. Or Haechan. Whoever needed him more.

Donghyuck also talks about Jeno and Jaemin, although quite lightly, as he’s sure that Renjun had kept in touch with the two after the break up as well.

Then, Renjun talked about his group of friends.

Renjun claimed that Chenle had been nagging him to become friends with Donghyuck again, in order to be able to ask Donghyuck again to model for his line. Renjun had told Chenle that Chenle could probably ask, and Donghyuck would still say yes because Donghyuck loves Chenle _that_ much. To that, Donghyuck let out a loud laugh, and agreed.

Dejun was still awfully single, Renjun said, and Donghyuck laughed at that—claiming he knew the feeling, as Mark had been _awfully single_ as well, after Daniel. But despite that, Dejun had been rising to fame both in China and Korea, getting deals left and right, and has also been invited to dwelve into the fashion world as well. Which isn’t much a surprise to either Donghyuck or Renjun, since Donghyuck could easily see all of Renjun’s friends as models.

Lucas and Hendery live together in Seoul, getting more and more domestic, to the extent that they’re about to put Kun and Ten to shame. The pair had adopted a dog named Bella, after Kun and Ten announced that they adopted two cats, Louis and Leon.

Kun and Ten were stronger than ever, sometimes to the extent that they would move in such wonderful synchronization that they seemed like one person. If Renjun was being honest, everyone in their friend group was just waiting for either Kun or Ten to propose. They even have an ongoing bet as to who was to propose first—Renjun, having so much faith in his favorite _Kun-ge_ , bet on Ten to be the first one to propose.

Donghyuck laughed, glad that the two couples outlived them and instead fell into the fate that he and Renjun would have wanted for themselves.

Yangyang, Renjun said, had become someone he considered his _best friend._ It was easy, considering that they were both of the same age. Though unexpected, it was definitely welcomed. The more Donghyuck thought about it, the more that it made sense—they fit together like two puzzle pieces. As Renjun was more reserved and analyzes situations in the background, Yangyang was the type to be more open with his emotions and thoughts, analytic as he stays in the foreground.

Donghyuck sees how fondly Renjun talks about Yangyang and instead of jealousy, he felt as if the world made more sense. The more Donghyuck realized that he and Renjun weren’t bound to last forever.

\--

After catching up, they had finally gone to the part that they both came here for—closure.

“So, I know you have questions, so I think I’d like it if you ask me first,” Renjun said, as he looked at Donghyuck softly, careful with his tone and words.

“Honestly, the more we talked, the more I realized that I never really left any loose ends with our relationship—the more I saw how much we needed the break up to happen,” Donghyuck explained, as he smiles at Renjun, hopefully to reassure that there was absolutely _no_ hard feelings.

“I feel the same way, Hyuck,” Renjun said.

“So, no questions?” Hyuck asked.

“None. But there’s one thing I need to make sure you know, though.”

“Go ahead.”

“I really loved you, Hyuck, even when I couldn’t say it all too often. Even when I couldn’t show it all too often—you are the first person I’d ever love so much, and I learned so much from you, Hyuck. I’m sorry I never let you feel that way.”

“Looking back, I know that you loved me lots, too—I realized that you were invested in the relationship as much as I was, and I’m sorry for thinking otherwise and doubting you, too. I loved you lots, too. I learned so much from you too, Renjun. We loved each other so much, but I guess we just never spoke the same love language.”

“So, Lee Donghyuck, Friends?”

“Friends, Huang Renjun.”

#### Five.

_Five years after._

Donghyuck was smoothing out his suit as he stands in front of Jeno. He had been one of Jeno’s best men, and he does his best to reassure and rid his friend of pre-wedding nerves.

Jeno spirals into another fit of nerves, when Donghyuck shakes the man in front of him.

“Lee Jeno, look at me,” Donghyuck says, as he shakes Jeno to urge Jeno to look at him.

Jeno looks at him and stares intently at him, eyes filled with worry.

“Lee Jeno, you are about to be married to the love of your life—your soulmate, your better half. Why the _fuck_ are you nervous? Nervous he’d leave you standing there in the altar because you forgot to wash the dishes or something? That man literally stood by you for the last ten years, even when you had that _god-awful_ bowl cut for your job, you think he’d leave you now, looking the hottest you’ve been in our twelve-year friendship?” Donghyuck says, and he knows he’s successfully calmed Jeno down when Jeno hugged him tightly.

“I love you so much, Hyuckie, thank you. You’re the best _best man_ ever,” Jeno mutters into Donghyuck’s shoulder and Donghyuck chuckles.

“I love you too, now save the tears for when you see Jaemin walking over to you,” Donghyuck replies and rubs his back comfortingly.

The wedding ceremonies start, and he sends a thumbs up to Renjun. The two of them had played rock, paper, scissors to figure out who would be Jeno’s best man and who would be Jaemin’s. Loser had to be Jaemin’s, since the both of them knew had anticipated emotional and controlling Jaemin could get as they plan the wedding. Renjun, of course, lost. Renjun smiles back at Donghyuck and signals that Jaemin had been _relatively_ okay.

So, they all take their spots, and the wedding commences.

Jeno, the pure man that he is, starts tearing up as soon as Jaemin appears in everyone’s sight and walks towards him. Jaemin, the sappy bitch that he is, does the same. So, Jaemin had walked to Jeno with the brightest smile he could ever have, Jeno matching his energy with absolutely gorgeous eye smiles.

Donghyuck couldn’t help the fond feeling that fills him up as he sees the two be officially wed to each other. Jaemin and Jeno looked as if they were in their own little world, and perhaps they were—the wedding was an intimate moment for the both of them, but they still chose to share such moment with their friends and family.

Donghyuck looks over to Renjun, and he sees the man sporting the same teary-eyed smile as he was. Renjun catches his eyes and smiles brightly at him. Donghyuck smiles back, of course.

Donghyuck then looks to the crowd, trying to find the person he’d want to share the same moment with—Mark. He catches Mark’s eyes and he realizes that Mark’s eyes never left him in the first place, he sends Mark an even brighter smile, and Mark looks at him with such fondness that Donghyuck doesn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve it, but he doesn’t question it.

Renjun does the same, looking for the gummy smile that has always brought him comfort and annoyance in a single package. He spots Yangyang and Yangyang’s eyes are on Jeno and Jaemin, in what Renjun thinks as a sign of respect for the two. Renjun knows better, though, and knows that Yangyang had always been a sucker for romance, and he’s incredibly happy to experience the solidification of a love that had been destined from the start. Renjun says its cheesy, but if it was with Yangyang, he was willing to compromise. Yangyang feels the set of eyes looking intently at him, and that’s when he sees Renjun looking at him with such softness that was only reserved for when they were behind closed doors. Yangyang’s smile grow even bigger, and he nods towards the newly wedded couple, encouraging Renjun to put his focus on them instead. Renjun smiles softly and complies.

Before they know it, the ceremony is over and Jeno and Jaemin have exchanged a chaste kiss in front of everyone. Donghyuck struggles to keep a laugh in, as he had seen the two exchange very _heated_ kisses, that the way they kissed now seemed like a _peck between bros._

The wedding had been a sight to behold for everyone.

Donghyuck and Renjun may not be together as they had expected more than six years ago, but there had been absolutely no trace of resentment from either side, just a rocky history they had been able to grow from—they had even formed such a wonderful friendship.

Renjun had gotten together with Yangyang roughly a year and a half after Donghyuck and Renjun had met up for closure. It was obvious to everyone, including Donghyuck, that they were genuinely in love, and Yangyang was substantially much better for Renjun than he had ever been. Donghyuck had gotten closer to Renjun as a friend when Renjun had started to realize his feelings for the other Chinese man, and Donghyuck remembers laughing at him for realizing that he had been pining after six months. Yangyang, on the other hand, had realized his feelings later than Renjun, but was much braver than Renjun could ever be, and took matters into his own hands—so, during one of their movie nights, Yangyang had casually confessed to Renjun, in fact, it was so casual that Renjun had almost missed it.

The confession lead to many dates and since the start of their relationship, Donghyuck had been very supportive of their relationship. Donghyuck had even gotten closer to Yangyang, both unifying to tease Renjun endlessly. Donghyuck had even provided Yangyang a list of _do’s and don’ts_ for dating Renjun, which had been a good joke by Yangyang’s standards, as the Chinese man had spent hours and hours laughing about it. Renjun, wasn’t as pleased, however—and this makes it even more entertaining for both Yangyang and Donghyuck.

Some would say that Yangyang and Donghyuck were too alike, but Donghyuck aggressively disagrees. If he and Yangyang were the same, Renjun wouldn’t have seen Yangyang as the _love of his life_. Yangyang completes Renjun in ways that Donghyuck never could.

Donghyuck, in the same manner that Renjun has found his better half, had figured out who his better half was. It wasn’t that Donghyuck _found_ him, considering that Mark had literally been with him more than half of his life. Now, Mark and Donghyuck’s relationship had not been as easy as Renjun and Yangyang’s but that didn’t matter. Donghyuck’s issues would still get the best of him sometimes, but Mark had always been there to help.

They had started dating shortly after Renjun and Yangyang had started, but Mark had confessed his love to Donghyuck a year prior. The entire year before they started dating, Mark had worked hard to _woo_ Donghyuck, but really not much had changed between them—that was when Donghyuck realized that truly, Mark had always loved him in his own ways, and Donghyuck started to see Mark less platonically and more romantically. It took them a year for Donghyuck to resolve his own issues, and to truly see Mark romantically, but Mark had claimed he’d wait for decades, just for Donghyuck. Donghyuck cried when he heard that, not knowing what he did to deserve such love for Mark, but Mark simply wiped his tears away and hugged him tighly answering his question by something so simple yet so lovely: “you exist, Hyuck, and that’s more than enough for me.”

Sometimes, Donghyuck feels like he doesn’t deserve the adoration and love that Mark pours out for him, but Mark would always be there to reassure him that that isn’t the case at all.

They move onto the reception and Renjun and Donghyuck find each other.

“You ready, Hyuck?” Renjun asks, and Donghyuck nervously smiles and nods.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Donghyuck replies.

They step up to the stage, and offer the newly weds a song they had written together specifically for the two. It was a light ballad, talking about a love that grows and a love that lasts. It was perfect for Jeno and Jaemin, and by the end of the song, everyone in the hall was moved.

When Donghyuck looks at Renjun, he’s filled with so much happiness for his friend—he watches Renjun and Yangyang dance together and he can’t help but feel so glad for his friends (Yes, he now considers Yangyang his friend, one of his _closest_ in fact, Yangyang is even Donghyuck’s second choice of _person he’d rant to about feelings_ after Jeno, because Yangyang was just the slap of honesty everyone needed). Renjun looks at Yangyang as if Yangyang had singlehandedly created the world for him. Yangyang, in turn, leads Renjun to let loose and encourages him to live life as it is. Yangyang looks at Renjun like he created the world _for_ him, too. Donghyuck is overjoyed to know that Renjun had finally found someone he could clearly see his future with.

When Renjun looks at Mark and Donghyuck, he sees Donghyuck how he should truly be—happy, loved and appreciated. While Renjun had given Donghyuck those things, Donghyuck had never been able to feel that way, hard for Donghyuck to believe it. With Mark, Donghyuck didn’t even doubt the love he felt from Mark. Donghyuck feels and clearly sees the love Mark has for him, and that’s more than anything Renjun could have given Donghyuck.

Renjun loving Yangyang was different—in the best way possible. Renjun’s heart overflows with love for Yangyang, and Yangyang is the type of person to understand that love comes _so_ differently for Renjun. Yangyang puts up with all of Renjun—the _very_ good and the _very bad._

Donghyuck loving Mark was also different—in the best way possible, too. Donghyuck couldn’t understand how he hadn’t seen how much Mark meant to him any earlier, how he wasn’t able to see the older hopelessly pining for him. The older had always taken care of him in ways that only he could do. Loving Mark was so easy, when the love Donghyuck had for him had always been there. It only grew exponentially after they had started dating.

When Jeno and Jaemin look at their friends, they see _growth._

Renjun filled with so much love, genuine happiness and adoration for Yangyang. Who knew that the person to melt away Renjun’s emotional constipation was a German boy who was loud and unabashedly proud, had the sharpest of tongues and quickest of wits? Yangyang isn’t at all like Donghyuck, though—they may have that loud personality that demands attention and the eternally teasing tone, but Yangyang had always been much more receptive and understanding of Renjun. It was scary, really, how Yangyang could decode Renjun’s emotions and thoughts by _one_ look. When Donghyuck doubted Renjun, Yangyang had encouraged Renjun. When Donghyuck asked Renjun, “do you love me?” Yangyang would announce confidently, “You love me _so_ much, because if you didn’t, you would have sent my ass back to Germany for that comment.” When Donghyuck avoided confrontation (which people didn’t believe because he clearly had the wits for it—he just doesn’t have the confidence to pull through with it), Yangyang was the type to confront it head on, saying things like, “Alright, Injun. Why the hell have you been acting as if we haven’t been dating for three years?” in a way that’s not accusatory, but rather, amused.

Donghyuck, who glows brighter than the sun, genuine confidence oozing his body as Donghyuck, not just as Haechan. Mark, the constant presence that has been Donghyuck’s strongest pillar of support had now become so much more. Mark had always been Donghyuck’s biggest fan, most avid supporter and most importantly, he had always been Donghyuck’s soulmate. The love of his life, the yin to his yang. When Donghyuck doubts himself, Mark immediately vibrates in excitement (after the tugging on his heart stops as he thinks of how the hell can Donghyuck not love himself?) to go on a tangent about how absolutely amazing and godly Donghyuck truly was, helping Donghyuck’s spirits be lifted. Mark and Renjun are very different. When Renjun had been stoic and unreadable, Mark was easy to read and easy to understand, wearing his heart on his sleeve for Donghyuck to cradle. When Renjun failed to see Donghyuck struggling to understand his love language, Mark had drowned him in the smallest forms of affection that gradually grew larger as time passed and as Donghyuck fell more and more in love with Mark. Donghyuck and Mark took it slow, because they know they have forever to spend together—because Mark doesn’t know about the next few years, but he knows he wants to spend it with Donghyuck.

The song they sung for the reception had made Donghyuck realize something.

Donghyuck and Renjun’s voices melt into one melody as they sing—but their hearts have always beated differently, in a rhythm neither of them could understand.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao fellow hyuckyang enthusiasts, how we feeling about a hyuckyang episode for awsaz? sm make it fucking happen. the world as i know it will end and chaos will be brought upon nct and id pay to see it.
> 
> stream bad alive english version bc we love wayv and their pets


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